as I was photographing my cousin's wedding this weekend, I sat and thought of all the things that I needed to get back to..starting with me! I was so over joyed at watching someone I really care for marry the one they really unconditionally love. it is a celebration of love. but why is there only a day of that celebration, why not every year throw them a party for their love. it should be celebrated daily,but we should celebrate their love yearly- just like we did at their wedding. it is sad for me to see all this attention on that one day and as you sit there, each of you women(and men) fall in love with your partner for a moment in time.just because you are reminded of that love you once had. why not remember that first kiss, the first time you felt the love, or said I love you to each other. and celebrate that every day. I know it is hard in marriage or any relationship to have that when there are kids, work and stress of some kind. but what if you just tried to work a bit, you could do wonders to your marriage or relationship. it is truly amazing to have that kind of love, a person you once said over and over that is your soul mate. why not say something in that way-every day. I struggle to find the balance with everything I do because of the passion I have for my job and being crazy in love with my kids.I am not one to tell you what to do, but just stop for a minute and be grateful you have those people in your life. they really are there for you to love and be loved.
I want to share something that is on my mind daily, I have a client that has become a dear friend. and I think of her..every single day all day! she struggles to have another child. I am grateful for her she has two wonderful children I truly adore.but why is this happening to her. she has struggle with many things to get pregnant. and I am so sad for her I wish I could cry for her. she is a strong woman like I, and she puts it behind in many ways to focus on the good in the kids she has. and works out and tends to her home and husband. I deal with many women of infertility and many really should have children. they are wonderful women that would be great mothers.so try and give thanks to having the privilege of having children in your life. I know they can drive you quite crazy at time,but it is all worth the time you put into it. as I just started to re-evaluate the relationship I have with my children. I am going to stop whatever I am doing when they ask "watch me mommy- watch me mommy!!!" look what I can do... is that really important to finish folding the laundry or watch my child show me something that they are proud of. before it is gone and they remember me saying I will --- as scout says..mommy said in a minute, in a minute.."
and a last but not least thing I have for you is I am sure you can all relate when you have babies heading to school.well, I have a 1st grader, and I will cry every time they change a grade. thad day and many before and after.. I have a hard time with letting them go, really go for themselves to be independent..
this story broke my heart and I have many signs lately that god is saying slow down and enjoy your life and really live again like I once did before my narcolepsy hit me hard.
the first day of school, scout pulled my aside knowing I was sad. very sad to say goodbye to him as I know he will be a bit more mature when he gets home today. he said to me... " mommy I can go in there knowing you are not sick anymore. I won't have to worry about you while I am in school. you are ok. I am so glad you are not sick anymore. and I love you mommy, you are ok now, I know!"
if that does not break someone's heart I do not know. I know he sounds old just by talking, he is very brilliant, really he is. and very sensitive and takes good care of me and his brothers. and I realized after that. well after I stopped crying in the car. he made me go to the car to cry, that after all the suffering I was going through- my kids saw it and worried about me daily.and I need to get back to the little things I missed while been physically there but not emotionally there. or falling asleep. he told me the 5th day of school on the way there in the morning, that he would walk home to school. I did not want to believe it.
so as I sat in the line at school hoping he would ride home so we could do the daily talk about the day, he wasn't there, and I cried like a baby. as I drove home with tatum and kaia. they wanted to know where scout was. they worried that he was gone. it was so sweet knowing that they can not live without each other,even while he is in school. we saw him, with some friends. I honked(don't ever do that in front of their friends- I got the evil eye) but then. he looked at me and saw I was proud-sad but proud. and he yelled " i am walking home mom, I told you that this morning. " each day he is still doing it. as I watch from the driveway with his brothers, he comes down our street with confidence in his feet as he walks excited to see us for the day, and comes up and hugs me knowing I hate that is is getting big. but knowing he makes me proud. these are the days that won't come back ever..ever...ever... and it will be really bad when the twins go, those are the last of the babes.
as I watched my oldest( a 9th grader) I hate that word -high school means the end. get into school that week, we was different too.but he knows I will harass him in front of his friend. oh yeah and I kiss and hug him also..and will till he gets married and then I will then also. he is a sweet loving boy.and he is going through hell right now with the situation we are all in. and it kills me to see him suffer through the pain and knowing what I know, is not good for someone that is bold, and will doing anything to make that go away. but someone above tells me daily, that is will be better and he will be away from it all soon.
sorry this is long, but I wanted to share with you that I am taking a few steps back, and getting back to basics with me and you and my children.
with all the hate,divorce,infertility, child abuse-child abuse-child abuse...and death. it is time for a story to make things a bit better to think it is not as bad as you think, and give the love you have and you shall receive it back time. as you watch you marriage unfold or your kids grow up. remember who you fell in love with and why. and those kids do grow up. really fast...
sssoooo slow it down. and take some time to get back to you and who you are and what you want out of life.
and of course....
well mine is a 1st grader